Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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