My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
