All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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