The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
