I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
