My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
how drunk are you?
Several
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
