ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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