You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
