i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
