guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
