I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize