im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
