you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
