she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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