I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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