ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
