Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
