She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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