Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
