Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
