there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
false alarm. still invincible.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I deserve this hangover.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize