i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
