My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
