i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
