Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
