Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
