Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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