my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I think your dad took our porno
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize