At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Randomize
