i jhust puked up my retainher.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
