just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
