If that was your dad, he is hot
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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