I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize