I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
