my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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