I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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