Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
