she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
