I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize