I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
