haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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