This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
