Plan B is the new Plan A
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
