hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
