When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
