At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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