I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize