My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
