i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
