Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
