So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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