the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
