just come out here and I will go home with you...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
