I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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