So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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