how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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