he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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