You work out of a Hotel?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
