My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I will pee on everything he values.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
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