Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
