I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
