The maid of honor just puked.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize