He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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