wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize