I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
