woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
