Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
