I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
