hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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