he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize