I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
