I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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