i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
