she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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